The Origin Story
It all begins with a self dare.
See, I was alone, bored, lost interests in climbing the career ladder in the technology industry. In fact, I lost interests in everything the modern society told me that I need to be happy. So, I went and bought the cheapest colouring book and a small box of watercolour from the only stationery store that was open during the pandemic.
I love colouring when I was young, so why not? Why not spent hours doing useless things like playing with colours, create something with my hands (yes, my brain said that this particular activity is useless, unproductive, waster of time blah blah…I love my brain).
After I few colouring sessions, I started to feel better mentally. Even have the guts to show the following colouring to a dear friend of mine - btw, you need to know he does not give out compliments easily.
Cheapest colouring book I found in the store
So imagine the surprise when he uttered an “Wow!” and seem impressed by it. I knew that’s not quite right, then I said, “You do know I just coloured it, I didn’t draw the pattern, right?” (sadly, being confident was not my strong trait at the time). The instant disappointment he tried to hide confirmed my suspicion.
This is where the self-dare took place. I told him “Of course I can draw the patterns as well!”. Somehow I believed it when I heard myself said it out loud.
Next thing I did was marched right back to the same stationery store, bought a cheap sketch pad and ink pens, then went nuts with the supplies everyday. A month later, I drew this pretty little sunflower pattern straight out of thin air (thank you, universe!).
When I found out this kind of drawing is call mandala, I searched online and saw the infinity possibilities. I determined to draw more. All I need is a pair of steady hands, paper, pen and time. Luckily, there is no job offer (Not that I was well enough to hold one down back then), so I have all the time in the world to draw myself back to sanity.
Bigger and more complicated drawings emerged. Then this drawing happened.
I still remember the day I drew this mandala. It was a quiet morning, I sat at the dining table and I drew and drew, I lost track of time and I felt no thirst or hunger. When it was completed, the sky is almost dark.
I was in the flow, something I had never experienced before. This feeling is addictive and I want to feel it again.
That’s when I gave myself permission to be creative everyday (no brain, it is not a waste of time!), to be an artist (no brain, it is not a waste of education!), even if I cannot make the same amount of money anymore (no brain, I wouldn’t starve to death!).
The struggles between my brain and I are real even till this day.
It might be a slight exaggeration to say drawing saved my life but it did carve out a new path for me. I do not know where this unexpected journey will take me but I am willing to keep walking to find out where it ends.
That’s it from me for now, see you in the next post.
With Love, Vienna
P.S.: Some non-social media friendly images for you. They are real and unfiltered. Enjoy.
